育才有道 親子之間:養不教,父之過

親子之間:養不教,父之過

分享

【新三才首發】今天晚上,兒子因為某件事情跟我頂嘴,還用了比較生氣的態度跟我講話。我原本想說應該是小事一件,簡單唸他兩句就算了,也就沒太在意。後來想想,我只是為了偷懶,不想跟他好好講道理,如果他不知道這樣的行為是不當的,我又不跟他說清楚,慢慢長大後養成習慣,啟不更糟糕?

於是,我還是把他找過來站在我面前,我自己也站著,跟他開導了十幾分鐘。最後,我跟他說:「你以後寧可因為這樣的小事沒做好,就被我罰站十幾分鐘聽我訓話嗎?」兒子回答說當然不願意,但是他又補了一句話說:「你也可以不要管我這些小事啊。」

我聽了之後,知道他其實還是沒聽懂背後的道理,於是繼續開導他說:「這件事雖然是小事,我也可以就這樣放過你不追究,但是,你終究不瞭解為何這是不對的事,所以下次再犯,你還是不知道要如何做好。而且,我先前已經給你一段時間,我都在觀察你的行為,也是你已經有幾次這樣的行為了,我這次才會特別花時間來跟你說明。」

結果,兒子又回答說:「原來你有在觀察我的行為,那你應該早點告訴我,我就可以表現好一點。」我聽了又好氣又好笑,繼續耐心跟他解釋說:「你不應該因為爸爸有在觀察你,你就表現好。那你在學校、在安親班、在其他我沒看到的地方,我沒有辦法觀察你,你難道就不用表現好了嗎?況且,所謂的好壞,也不是我說了算,是天上的神,祂們在記錄著你的一言一行,那才是真的隨時在觀察你呢。你說,這樣你是要表現好,還是要表現壞啊?」

兒子終於聽懂了,跟我點點頭說:「我知道了,我會盡力提醒自己。」我再跟他說:「就是因為這件事現在看來還是小事,可是爸爸如果不好好解釋給你知道背後的道理,你就只知道這樣不對,這樣不好,但是為什麼不對,為什麼不好你不知道的話,難免以後又會再犯。所以,我先前也是有錯,我不該偷懶不跟你講,以後我也會注意我自己,該講的時候,就應該要好好告訴你。」

其實,很多家長在管教小孩時,往往因為沒有時間,或是沒有耐心,就以處罰或禁止的方式,把小孩的某些行為抑制住。但是,時間一久,在家長沒注意到的時間或地方,小孩很容易無法自我分辨又再犯,隨著年紀漸長,就更不容易受教,因而衍生出許多更棘手的問題。就像古代大禹治水,也是慢慢花時間疏導才成功,而不是強硬用築堤阻擋的方式。

我同時也體悟到,古人講說「養不教,父之過」,還真是有其道理呢。跟各位有小孩的爸媽們共勉之,一起為小孩的教養多費點心思與時間吧。

(作者:張季民)

(責任編輯:姜啟明)

(文章來源:新三才首發)

分享

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139
前一篇文章多家遊輪公司協助復原加勒比災區
下一篇文章法航A380班機引擎爆炸 緊急迫降加拿大

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Warning: mysqli_real_connect(): (HY000/2002): Connection refused in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1538

Warning: mysqli_real_connect(): (HY000/2002): Connection refused in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1538

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Notice: wpdb was called incorrectly. wpdb must set a database connection for use with escaping. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 3.6.0.) in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4139

Warning: mysqli_real_connect(): (HY000/2002): Connection refused in /home/virtual/jm3new/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1538

留下一個答覆

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here